she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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