He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
