nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize