I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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