I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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