I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
