Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize