Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
