My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
