uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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