ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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