After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I believe in your delicious
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
