it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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