Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
NoShamevember. You game?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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