i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize