i need an iv and a liver transplant
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
