So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
