So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
