i can't believe i had my finger in that
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
