I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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