My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
