your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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