I checked into jail on foursquare
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
