He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
