Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
