its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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