this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
