he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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