Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
