My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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