She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
