The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
