Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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