you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
