Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
