Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
