i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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