I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
