it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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