oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
its not stalking. its research.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
