we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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