Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
