I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You smell like stripper and shame
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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