OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
