is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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