how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
