should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
