I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
