nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
