My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
