Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize