We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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