my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
