Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
