Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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