I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
