why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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