hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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