Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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