I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
