I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
