she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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