Banned from zoo.
Again?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
