umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
