his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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