Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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