I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
