if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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