so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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