Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
