Please, let me fuck your mom
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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