Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
