can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
