Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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