The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize