My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
