Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
