I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
it glows. i had to have it.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
